Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Cricket Australia To Outsource Batting To India

   After a performance in Ashes that some in Australian media have lamented as 'stinky as little kangaroo's poo in mama kangaroo's pouch', Cricket Australia has decided to outsource top six batting positions in the team to India. The Indian board, BCCI, negotiated the deal such that they will be getting three fast bowlers, two twelfth men who are good at sledging and a hermaphrodite koala.

   However, England's Cricket Board has filed a strongly worded complaint with ICC against CA and BCCI's deal. They had offered to clone Ian Bell and lend those to Australia, but CA decided against it. CA's analysis suggests that if Ian Bell (slow)fires, like he usually does, the match will definitely be a draw and if he doesn't then they will end up losing the game - so it was considered a lose-lose situation. England had also offered CA the services of (full)Monty Panesar to water the outback. CA had declined that offer too.

   The English Board also believes that BCCI's currently-former-but-soon-to-be-current boss N Srinivasan strong armed CA into taking all outsourced players from Chennai. Both BCCI and CA have denied this. India Captain M S Dhoni has refused to comment on account of bad back.

   Australia have lost three of the four Ashes test matches they have played in England. For the fifth and final test match CA has requested ICC to let them use the batsmen that they are procuring from India. ECB has challenged that on the grounds that BCCI has low balled the offer way too much by accepting just one hermaphrodite koala instead of the two that they had originally asked for.

Disclaimer: This post was put together for First Post's 'Faking News' portal.